Regressing under a safe roof
It's a form on self-indulgence.
Cambridge University defines regressing [verb] as:
”To return to a previous and less advanced or worse state, condition, or way of behaving. “
But I don’t like that.
Collins Dictionary defines it as:
“To return to an earlier and less advanced stage of development.“
I prefer that, as long as it’s referring to a child-like state, without the negative connotations, because I found my most recent regression quite comforting.
This is my breakfast bowl from that precious one-week stint. Can you see Peter Rabbit bouncing around the edges? The leftover seed flecks of homemade granola? And what about that spoon? It’s a baby spoon, what a coincidence. True to form, it’s sitting next a the sink, not in it, or in a dishwasher. But I’m not a complete juvenile; I did clean it. Eventually.
I was home-home for the week. Not my home where I pay rent, I don’t have one of them at the moment, I was where my mum lives. Wherever she is is my home-home. It can also feel this way with my closest friends, and in my sister’s hoodie.
It feels so good to drop any adult act and behave like an untrained, filter-less being. A behaviour I endeavour to exhibit in my day-to-day interactions, minus getting stroppy when a supermarket doesn’t stock roasted buckwheat. I reserve it for these safe spaces. Places where I can temporarily moan about not having chocolate in the cupboard, while lying on my couch-throne, flicking between Food Safari and History’s Greatest Mysteries on TV.
If my knee hurts, I can say it hurts. If I want to read 27 haikus on the toilet, I can spend half an hour contemplating each. I love the raw form of self that a safe space exposes. After working so hard to navigate … taxes (?), it’s satisfying to temporarily exist this way.
I’d imagine it’s the same satisfaction of being fed after finally finding shelter from a zombie apocalypse. I haven’t been watching The Last of Us season 2, I’ve been working on relating to the characters first.
I’m now back to eating out of a regular yoghurt bowl. I’ll let you picture that, but a baby spoon remains. Sushi gave this one to me, and it’s coming everywhere. My permanent reminder of the raw regression, I hope to bring every day.
Toothpick University definition of regressing [verb]:
“To return to a child-like state. One that’s developed enough to walk to a pantry and express their needs, yet is deliberately immobile and self-indulgent. Only occurs in a place of complete safety.”